Don't practice. Dress funny.

Seriously. That's why we watch. We love to see you struggle, embarrass yourselves & get tortured by Simon.

Come on, admit it. You like it too, right?

Sure, Clay Aiken and Kelly Clarkson made us cheer and dial the phone until our fingers were raw (I nearly cried when my pick for 2004, Fantasia Barrino, won), but the real joy comes from watching those of you who don't have a chance.

Who will forget William Hung's painful, yet stoic audition? It'll go down in history as one of the best moments on TV.

But, have you ever wondered why we find pleasure in seeing others fail so miserably in public?

The answer is simple: "There but for the grace of God, go I".

I'll be the first to admit it: I have no singing talent. I know it. So do my neighbors. But would I dare to go on national TV, even if I thought I had an ounce of vocal ability? No way. I'm not brave enough.

You see, we laugh at you & discuss your misery at work the next morning after the show, but deep down inside, we're jealous of you.

That's right, jealous.

We're jealous because you're willing to take that chance that most of us never will. We'll all die wondering "What if?".

Not you though, you're different. You're willing to be exposed before a Nation. You're willing to be mocked, and made fun of. You have heart. You choose to live your life the way you want & not worry about what the rest of us think of you.

You have the guts to do what 99% of us don't. You put your heart on your sleeve & let it all hang out.

So, mock you we may, but when we go to sleep at night, we're all secretly dreaming that we were the ones up there on the TV screen.

Go for it. Make us laugh. Make us proud. Make us jealous.