I met up with a new Christian friend last week for "a" cup of coffee. Now, as the cup turned into roughly 27 gallons of java, our conversation really became thought provoking as we engaged on the topic of Christian dating.

The sum of the conversation is that "Christian Dating" is a territory that needs more attention simply because of the secularist ideas of dating that seem to market self- serving motives. Dear reader, it's time for a fresh review of Godly Christian Dating.

Let me explain...

Last week I logged into my Internet based email account and although I've no right any longer to be shocked at what advertisers will do to market a product, there I was again with a confounded blank stare into my computer monitor.

"Surrender To Your Lust", was the banner ad, suggesting that I'd been privately struggling with the ability to retain my drool every time I saw this sleek new cellular phone! Thankfully, my prayer life has protected me from conforming to my supposed earthly lust over this cell phone, because I'm honestly, pretty content without possessing it.

But the message was clear. "It's ok to be self serving or selfish, go ahead, there's no sense fighting it anymore." And if you look past words, the implied suggests that, "your lust will be satisfied once you purchase this phone."

Okay, this message is not about a cell phone, but I don't think anyone will deny that this mentality is found in many areas of our life. Particularly regarding sexual temptations and life as a single Christian. What I've found in studying the topic more in depth are three common themes that become barriers for Christian singles in their perspectives on dating:

- Selfishness

- Hollywood-i-tis

- Misunderstanding the true meaning of Love

In this week's article, we'll cover Selfishness and the following two in upcoming weeks.

Selfishness Examine your own thought process for a moment regarding your approach when meeting a new Christian single. Do you find yourself thinking thoughts like;

"Is this the person for me?" or "Do I feel attracted to this person", or even, "Does this person like me?"

If you do, you're not alone. I can speak personally that this is a recurring check point in my own dating experiences. You see, the problem with that thought process is that it's all centered around, "ME."

Just take a look at the questions, its all about "I" or "me" and this isn't close to a comprehensive look at the internal questioning we are prone to do when dating someone.

I just don't believe it's Biblical. The more I come to know our Lord, the more I come to see more clearly His servant hood. His primary goals when doing His Father's work on earth was serving others. His mission itself was the ultimate "service."

This too should be our personal approach to the Christian single scene.

When meeting and courting Christian singles, your first responsibility should be geared towards serving their relationship with God. Your first glimpse of that person should be, "I'm looking at a child of God. A brother or sister in the Lord. God is working with this person, even right now."

During this phase of getting to know a fellow christian, you should look to encourage purity, strengthen their relationship with God, and remove yourself as a stumbling block to them honoring our Lord.

This isn't the common formula for the dating scene, however if we follow "Hollywood's" advice on dating, we'd be found betraying our own Christian beliefs.

But here's the awesome irony... with this type of servant approach to dating, a selfless edifier of the other, you will automatically be more attractive to those people that honor the same Godly principles that you do. And what's even greater is that you are pleasing and glorifying God while furthering His kingdoms work.

In summary regarding selfishness, "ask not what your date can do for you, but what you can do for your date." =)

Next week we'll cover the second barrier, "Hollywood-i-tis" and compare it with our fresh approach to Christian dating.

"I think I know of no delight on earth that is higher than that of knowing that you really are, with all your heart, adoringly serving God." Charles H. Spurgeon